Service & Helping Others in the Big Book

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There had been no real infidelity, for loyalty to my wife, helped at times by extreme drunkenness, kept me out of those scrapes.

Hydrotherapy and mild exercise helped much.

With a certain satisfaction I reflected there was enough gin concealed about the house to carry me through that night and the next day.

Perhaps I could help some of them.

My wife and I abandoned ourselves with enthusiasm to the idea of helping other alcoholics to a solution of their problems.

Our very lives, as ex-problem drinkers, depend upon our constant thought of others and how we may help meet their needs.

We were in a position where life was becoming impossible, and if we had passed into the region from which there is no return through human aid, we had but two alternatives: One was to go on to the bitter end, blotting out the consciousness of our intolerable situation as best we could; and the other, to accept spiritual help.

Some of our alcoholic readers may think they can do without spiritual help.

How then shall we help our readers determine, to their own satisfaction, whether they are one of us?

The experiment of quitting for a period of time will be helpful, but we think we can render an even greater service to alcoholic sufferers and perhaps to the medi* True when this book was first published.

I saw that will power and self-knowledge would not help in those strange mental blank spots.

As to two of you men, whose stories I have heard, there is no doubt in my mind that you were 100% hopeless, apart from divine help.

We were having trouble with personal relationships, we couldn’t control our emotional natures, we were a prey to misery and depression, we couldn’t make a living, we had a feeling of uselessness, we were full of fear, we were unhappy, we couldn’t seem to be of real help to other people— was not a basic solution of these bedevilments more important than whether we should see newsreels of lunar flight?

Without help it is too much for us.

Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

We had to have God’s help.

Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life.

We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend.

We asked God to mold our ideals and help us to live up to them.

If sex is very troublesome, we throw ourselves the harder into helping others.

Most people approached in this way will be glad to help; they will be honored by our confidence.

If we still cling to something we will not let go, we ask God to help us be willing.

Our real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and the people about us.

We may kill a future opportunity to carry a beneficial message.

When it will serve any good purpose, we are willing to announce our convictions with tact and common sense.

If we have obtained permission, have consulted with others, asked God to help and the drastic step is indicated we must not shrink.

Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help.

Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God’s will into all of our activities.

“How can I best serve Thee—Thy will (not mine) be done.’’ These are thoughts which must go with us constantly.

We may ask for ourselves, however, if others will be helped.

This is our twelfth suggestion: Carry this message to other alcoholics!

You can help when no one else can.

To watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a fellowship grow up about you, to have a host of friends—this is an experience you must not miss.

Don’t deal with him when he is very drunk, unless he is ugly and the family needs your help.

You should be described to him as one of a fellowship who, as part of their own recovery, try to help others and who will be glad to talk to him if he cares to see you.

Doctors are rightly loath to tell alcoholic patients the whole story unless it will serve some good purpose.

Perhaps your story will help him see where he has failed to practice the very precepts he knows so well.

Actually, he may be helping you more than you are helping him.

Make it plain he is under no obligation to you, that you hope only that he will try to help other alcoholics when he escapes his own difficulties.

You should not be offended if he wants to call it off, for he has helped you more than you have helped him.

Tell him that if he wants to get well you will do anything to help.

If he is, you might try to help him about getting a job, or give him a little financial assistance.

Helping others is the foundation stone of your recovery.

The minute we put our work on a service plane, the alcoholic commences to rely upon our assistance rather than upon God.

People have said we must not go where liquor is served; we

We often need it to carry green recruits through a severe hangover.

Some of us still serve it to our friends provided they are not alcoholic.

But some of us think we should not serve liquor to anyone.

Some day we hope that Alcoholics Anonymous will help the public to a better realization of the gravity of the alcoholic problem, but we shall be of little use if our attitude is one of bitterness or hostility.

But many of the suggestions given here may be adapted to help the person who lives with a woman alcoholic—whether she is still drinking or is recovering in A.A. A further source of help is noted on page 121.

They need your companionship and your help.

Drinkers like to help other drinkers.

Meanwhile you might try to help the wife of another serious drinker.

At first, some of us did not believe we needed this help.

Often you must carry the burden of avoiding them or keeping them under control.

We women carry with us a picture of the ideal man, the sort of chap we would like our husbands to be.

You have been starving for his companionship, yet he spends long hours helping other men and their families.

If there is no Al-Anon listing in your local telephone book, you may obtain further information on Al-Anon/Alateen Family Groups by writing to its World Service Office, 1600 Corporate Landing Parkway, Virginia Beach, VA 23454-5617.

Showing others who suffer how we were given help is the very thing which makes life seem so worth while to us now.

So we think that unless some good and useful purpose is to be served, past occurrences should not be discussed.

Even if he displays a certain amount of neglect and irresponsibility towards the family, it is well to let him go as far as he likes in helping other alcoholics.

Nothing will help the man who is off on a spiritual tangent so much as the wife who adopts a sane spiritual program, making a better practical use of it.

Alcoholics who have derided religious people will be helped by such contacts.

We try not to indulge in cynicism over the state of the nations, nor do we carry the world’s troubles on our shoulders.

We have recovered, and have been given the power to help others.

My secretary returned to say that it was not Mr. B— on the phone; it was Mr. B—’s brother, and he wished to give me a message.

We think the business fabric is shot through with a situation which might be helped by better understanding all around.

Nearly every modern employer feels a moral responsibility for the well-being of his help, and he tries to meet these responsibilities.

I wanted to throw up my hands in discouragement, for I saw that I had failed to help my banker friend understand.

Without much ado, he accepted the principles and procedure that had helped us.

If you desire to help it might be well to disregard your own drinking, or lack of it.

Seeing your attempt to understand and help, some men will try to take advantage of your kindness.

He wants to quit drinking and you want to help him, even if it be only a matter of good business.

A firm attitude at this point has helped many of us.

In this way he was slyly carrying tales.

They often jeopardize their own positions by trying to help serious drinkers who should have been fired long ago, or else given an opportunity to get well.

The firm wants to help you get over it, and if you are interested, there is a way out.

We hope our suggestions will help you plug up this sometimes serious leak.

I don’t see how you can be of any help to us for, as you see, we don’t have

I have enjoyed every moment spent in getting them straightened out.* * See Appendix VI—We shall be happy to hear from you if we can be of help.

He has helped other men recover, and is a power in the church from which he was long absent.

Though they knew they must help other alcoholics if they would remain sober, that motive became secondary.

Cleaning up old scrapes, helping to settle family differences, explaining the disinherited son to his irate parents, lending money and securing jobs for each other, when justified—these are everyday occurrences.

Many of us, former patients, go there to help.

selves, and have discovered the joy of helping others to face life again, there will be no stopping until everyone in that town has had his opportunity to recover— if he can and will.