"husband" in the Big Book

The husband begins to feel lonely, sorry for himself.

It is as good for the wife as for the husband.

Ask any woman who has sent her husband to distant places on the theory he would escape the alcohol problem.

We have been * Written in 1939, when there were few women in A.A., this chapter assumes that the alcoholic in the home is likely to be the husband.

Then we were severely criticized by our husband’s parents for desertion.

These are some of the questions which race through the mind of every woman who has an alcoholic husband.

Perhaps your husband has been living in that strange world of alcoholism where everything is distorted and exaggerated.

Try not to condemn your alcoholic husband no matter what he says or does.

The problem with which you struggle usually falls within one of four categories: One: Your husband may be only a heavy drinker.

Two: Your husband is showing lack of control, for he is unable to stay on the water wagon even when he wants to.

Three: This husband has gone much further than husband number two.

Four: You may have a husband of whom you completely despair.

Let’s now go back to husband number one.

Even though your husband becomes unbearable and you have to leave him temporarily, you should, if you can, go without rancor.

Be determined that your husband’s drinking is not going to spoil your relations with your children or your friends.

It is possible to have a full and useful life, though your husband continues to drink.

Do not set your heart on reforming your husband.

Your husband may come to appreciate your reasonableness and patience.

Your husband may be willing to talk to one of them.

If this kind of approach does not catch your husband’s interest, it may be best to drop the subject, but after a friendly talk your husband will usually revive the topic himself.

If you act upon these principles, your husband may stop or moderate.

Suppose, however, that your husband fits the description of number two.

The same principles which apply to husband number one should be practiced.

If you have a number three husband, you may be in luck.

If your husband is otherwise a normal individual, your chances are good at this stage.

In any event, try to have your husband read this book.

Perhaps you have a husband who is at large, but who should be committed.

If your husband is a drinker, you probably worry over what other people are thinking and you hate to meet your friends.

When your husband is bad, you become a trembling recluse, wishing the telephone had never been invented.

While you need not discuss your husband at length, you can quietly let your friends know the nature of his illness.

But you must be on guard not to embarrass or harm your husband.

You will no longer be self-conscious or feel that you must apologize as though your husband were a weak character.

Frequently, you have felt obliged to tell your husband’s employer and his friends that he was sick, when as a matter of fact he was tight.

Whenever possible, let your husband explain.

You may be afraid your husband will lose his position; you are thinking of the disgrace and hard times which will befall you and the children.

It may convince your husband he wants to stop drinking forever.

We urge you to try our program, for nothing will be so helpful to your husband as the radically changed attitude toward him which God will show you how to have.

Go along with your husband if you possibly can.

If you and your husband find a solution for the pressing problem of drink you are, of course, going to be very happy.

The faith and sincerity of both you and your husband will be put to the test.

Your husband will sometimes be unreasonable and you will want to criticize.

These family dissensions are very dangerous, especially to your husband.

We do not mean that you have to agree with your husband whenever there is an honest difference of opinion.

You and your husband will find that you can dispose of serious problems easier than you can the trivial ones.

If your husband is trying to live on a spiritual basis, he will also be doing everything in his power to avoid disagreement or contention.

Your husband knows he owes you more than sobriety.

Your husband will

After all, your family is reunited, alcohol is no longer a problem and you and your husband are working together toward an undreamed-of future.

It is probably true that you and your husband have been living too much alone, for drinking many times isolates the wife of an alcoholic.

Therefore, you probably need fresh interests and a great cause to live for as much as your husband.

You, as well as your husband, ought to think of what you can put into life instead of how much you can take out.

Perhaps your husband will make a fair start on the new basis, but just as things are going beautifully he dismays you by coming home drunk.

Your husband will see at once that he must redouble his spiritual activities if he expects to survive.

The slightest sign of fear or intolerance may lessen your husband’s chance of recovery.

God has either removed your husband’s liquor problem or He has not.

Then you and your husband can get right down to fundamentals.

O ur women folk have suggested certain attitudes a wife may take with the husband who is recovering.

She wanted to know if her husband’s company insurance was still in force.

His wife came, scarcely daring to be hopeful, though she thought she saw something different about her husband already.