"stop" in the Big Book

My incredible behavior in the face of a desperate desire to stop was explained.

Why can’t he?’’ “Why don’t you drink like a gentleman or quit?’’ “That fellow can’t handle his liquor.’’ “Why don’t you try beer and wine?’’ “Lay off the hard stuff.’’ “His will power must be weak.’’ “He could stop if he wanted to.’’ “She’s such a sweet girl, I should think he’d stop for her sake.’’ “The doctor told him that if he ever drank again it would kill him, but there he is all lit up again.’’ Now these are commonplace observations on drinkers which we hear all the time.

If a sufficiently strong reason—ill health, falling in love, change of environment, or the warning of a doctor—becomes operative, this man can also stop or moderate, although he may find it difficult and troublesome and may even need medical attention.

stop.

At a certain point in the drinking of every alcoholic, he passes into a state where the most powerful desire to stop drinking is of absolutely no avail.

How often have some of us begun to drink in this nonchalant way, and after the third or fourth, pounded on the bar and said to ourselves, “For God’s sake, how did I ever get started again?’’ Only to have that thought supplanted by “Well, I’ll stop with the sixth drink.’’ Or “What’s the use anyhow?’’ When this sort of thinking is fully established in an individual with alcoholic tendencies, he has probably placed himself beyond human aid, and unless locked up, may die or go permanently insane.

So many want to stop but cannot.

Try to drink and stop abruptly.

But the difficulty is that few alcoholics have enough desire to stop while there is yet time.

We have heard of a few instances where people, who showed definite signs of alcoholism, were able to stop for a long period because of an overpowering desire to do so.

Then, gathering all his forces, he attempted to stop altogether and found he could not.

If we are planning to stop drinking, there must be no reservation of any kind, nor any lurking notion that someday we will be immune to alcohol.

Young people may be encouraged by this man’s experience to think that they can stop, as he did, on their own will power.

We doubt if many of them can do it, because none will really want to stop, and hardly one of them, because of the peculiar mental twist already acquired, will find he can win out.

Certain drinkers, who would be greatly insulted if called alcoholics, are astonished at their inability to stop.

Though you may be able to stop for a considerable period, you may yet be a potential alcoholic.

For those who are unable to drink moderately the question is how to stop altogether.

We are assuming, of course, that the reader desires to stop.

He tells you he has decided to stop jay-walking for good, but in a few weeks he breaks both legs.

Thanks for the information.’’ That may be true of certain nonalcoholic people who, though drinking foolishly and heavily at the present time, are able to stop or moderate, because their brains and bodies have not been damaged as ours were.

But the actual or potential alcoholic, with hardly an exception, will be absolutely unable to stop drinking on the basis of self-knowledge.

The story he told is most instructive, for here was a chap absolutely convinced he had to stop drinking, who had no excuse for drinking, who exhibited splendid judgment and determination in all his other concerns, yet was flat on his back nevertheless.

When we saw others solve their problems by a simple reliance upon the Spirit of the Universe, we had to stop doubting the power of God.

If he does not want to stop drinking, don’t waste time trying to persuade him.

If there is any indication that he wants to stop, have a good talk with the person most interested in him— usually his wife.

Give him an account of the struggles you made to stop.

Some of us have taken very hard knocks to learn this truth: Job or no job—wife or no wife—we simply do not stop drinking so long as we place dependence upon other people ahead of dependence on God.

Especially when he has before him a way to stop his drinking and abuse if he really wants to pay the price.

Some will moderate or stop altogether, and some will not.

He is remorseful after serious drinking bouts and tells you he wants to stop.

As we say among ourselves, “He wants to want to stop.”

He may have come to the point where he desperately wants to stop but cannot.

Show him you have confidence in his power to stop or moderate.

If you act upon these principles, your husband may stop or moderate.

Being certain he wants to stop, you can go to him with this volume as joyfully as though you had struck oil.

Some men have been so impaired by alcohol that they cannot stop.

It may convince your husband he wants to stop drinking forever.

And now you know that he can stop if he will!

He admitted he was overdoing these things, but frankly said that he was not ready to stop.

If you are sure your man does not want to stop, he may as well be discharged, the sooner the better.

But there are many men who want to stop, and with them you can go far.

Suppose an approach is made something like this: State that you know about his drinking, and that it must stop.

Will he take every necessary step, submit to anything to get well, to stop drinking forever?

Do you want to stop drinking or not?

But if you cannot or will not stop drinking, I think you ought to resign.”

If he wants to stop, he should be afforded a real chance.

If he cannot or does not want to stop, he should be discharged.

At the same time you will feel no reluctance to rid yourself of those who cannot or will not stop.

We think we are sensible when we urge that you stop this waste and give your worthwhile man a chance.

He had a desperate desire to stop, but saw no way out, for he had earnestly tried many avenues of escape.

Painfully aware of being somehow abnormal, the man did not fully realize what it meant to be alcoholic.* When our friend related his experience, the man agreed that no amount of will power he might muster could stop his drinking for long.

From what you tell me, I know more than ever I can’t stop.”

He proved to be a devil-may-care young fellow whose parents could not make out whether he wanted to stop drinking or not.